THE CONSCIOUS KITTEN: GROWING RESILIENCE Part 4 — True Socialisation: What It Is — and What It Is Not
- Maria Niewiadomska
- May 20
- 2 min read
These days, too many people confuse activity for confidence. They see compliance and call it trust. But a kitten that runs up to every person isn’t always brave. And a kitten that stays still when squeezed isn’t always relaxed.
True socialisation isn’t how fast they approach strangers. Or how long they let themselves be held. It’s not about performance. It’s about emotional regulation.
And regulation takes time. It needs rhythm. It needs respect.
What gets called “good socialisation” — and isn’t:
• Kittens rushing toward every person, no matter how new.
• Kittens clinging to hands, not because they want to — but because they don’t know where else feels safe.
• Kittens held tightly by children, with no way to leave.
• Kittens passed from person to person like props.
• Kittens posed for photos when they’d rather move away.
• Kittens placed in noisy, busy spaces with no way to retreat.
But here’s what science tells us:
• “Early overstimulation, especially without the mother’s presence, increases reactivity and hurts stress regulation later.”
— Bateson & Bradshaw, 2000
• “Forcing kittens to face new things without breaks doesn’t build confidence. It teaches helplessness.”
— Pageat, 1999
• “Social behaviour forms not through exposure alone, but through stable, predictable interactions.”
— Karsh & Turner, 1988
• “Low-stress, predictable environments early on lead to calmer, less anxious adults.”
— Bradshaw et al., 2012
Some breeds, like the Sphynx, are naturally people-focused. They want closeness.
They seek warmth. But wanting attention is not the same as feeling secure.
Confidence isn’t about being in contact all the time. It’s about being okay — in contact and alone. To approach, to explore, to step back — without panic.
Bradshaw said it well:
“Secure attachment isn’t the absence of caution. It’s the ability to return to connection safely.”
Poor socialisation can look like:
• Kittens chasing people constantly — not from joy, but from stress.
• Kittens going limp when overwhelmed — and people calling it “calm.”
• Kittens struggling later — with overstimulation, frustration, and regulation.
Good socialisation looks like:
• Kittens moving at their own pace.
• Feeling safe enough to explore — and safe enough to retreat.
• Emotional flexibility.
• Trust built on real experience, not pressure.
It’s not how many hands touch the kitten. It’s whether the kitten had the choice.
It’s not how fast they run up. It’s whether they knew they could wait, watch, and then move — when ready.
Porges reminds us:
“Social safety isn’t learned through stimulation. It’s learned through co-regulation and predictability.”
Conscious breeding does not prepare kittens for photographs, marketing videos, or “ready to go” labels. It prepares kittens for life. Life that won’t always be quiet. Life where safety matters more than show. Where instinct matters more than speed.
The life where they will need to trust not every hand — but their own instincts. The life where feeling safe is more important than looking brave.
We’re not raising kittens to impress. We’re raising them to trust. To feel safe.
To be themselves.
Not to perform. But to belong.
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